The Cost of Being Human
by Theamster
Summary: Kurt is uncomfortable with allowing Blaine to become acquainted with some of the grosser happenings of his body.
1. Drool

A/N: This is based on a prompt I saw at the Glee Awk Meme on livejournal posted by kayboogie.

_So_ _what I'd love to see is one of those 5+1 fics, like 5 times Kurt was embarrassed about his bodily functions in front of Blaine and one time he didn't care. Like maybe it starts with him not wanting to pee where Blaine can hear him (I'm totally weird about that, it's my issue. LOL) and trying to avoid having to go #2 when Blaine's at his house, and maybe the one time he didn't care was him and Blaine getting food poisoning together. Because mentally, sometimes I'm five and bodily functions are funny._

I plan on including some of the suggestions from the prompter in later chapters. I'll probably post this in a total of six chapters. I've already got the next chapter written and hope to post it by tomorrow. My goal is to finish by the time my fall break ends—October 21. I hope you enjoy!

Kurt still couldn't believe it two and a half weeks later. That they had made it here. That he was currently sitting on the couch on a Friday evening while Blaine was putting a musical in the DVD player. Just like they had been doing since sometime around mid December. Except as Blaine walks back to the couch, Kurt can stare at him adoringly without worrying about any repercussions. And once Blaine settles into the corner of the couch, he opens his arms, inviting Kurt to him. Chicago is playing on the screen but it can't hold Kurt's attention.

This is only the second or third time they've sat like this (possibly described as cuddling, Kurt's mind suggests) and Kurt is more interested in the softness of Blaine's stomach where his hand is resting and the sturdiness of Blaine's shoulder where his head is resting, and the smell of Blaine's neck where his nose is pointing. Kurt doesn't know if everyone is this comfortable or if it's just Blaine or if it's just because Kurt is in serious like/love/feelings with the boy, but Kurt can feel his eyes drooping. Kurt had left the house at 6:30 to get to Dalton by 7:15 to get help with his Algebra II homework, spent lunch studying for an English quiz, and had Warbler rehearsal after school. It was a long day.

Kurt also remembers spending a long dinner with the Warblers and New Directions in this new restaurant in Columbus that had one of those fake bull riding games. And Kurt was exhausted from trying to stop Finn from trying the new tight rope walking ride because Kurt knew that Finn couldn't handle it if he couldn't even handle cleaning the gutters out at the house. It didn't help that the restaurant was on the 77th floor and that the elevator was broken. Blaine had convinced Kurt to take a break on the 32nd floor to visit the petting zoo. Of course, Kurt didn't pet any of the animals (who knew what diseases they had) but it was fun seeing his boyfriend so excited about the ponies.

Sometime around the time when Kurt began to reminisce about the 77 floor walk up, Kurt realized he must have dozed off some time during his internal monologue. But he wasn't too worried because he was warm and snuggled and could still smell the lovely smell of Blaine's neck.

Kurt could hear Razzle Dazzle playing from the TV and decided he should sit up and watch since he wasn't being a very good guest and since he really liked the Cirque de Soleil ribbon tricks in the background of that number. Sighing a little bit from sleep, Kurt lifted his head off Blaine's shoulder.

And immediately regained full consciousness.

Kurt could feel something cool on his cheek and was aware of a small snapping feeling as he lifted his cheek farther away from Blaine's shoulder. Kurt was in denial but he had to do damage control. He lifted his hand to his cheek and was met with a large wet spot the about the diameter of an orange. Kurt quickly wiped his face clean and, painfully, wiped his hand on his jeans. Being scared of what he may find, Kurt gathered his courage and looked down at Blaine's shoulder. On this shoulder, covered by the button up Dalton shirt that Blaine hadn't bothered changing out of, visible even in the low light of the television and the side table lamp, was a large wet spot. The thin, white fabric was so soaked that it was practically see-through.

"Morning sleepy head." Kurt startled and looked towards Blaine's face for the first time and was greeted with a content smile, which did nothing to calm him.

"Oh my gosh Blaine! I am so sorry. I can't believe I did that! Why didn't you wake me? There's—"

"Hey, hey, hey. Calm down, what's wrong?"

"Blaine," Kurt sat up and pointed to Blaine's shoulder. "Your shirt is soaked."

Blaine tilted his head at an odd angle in an attempt to view his own shoulder. He gingerly lifted the shirt from his shoulder as if to inspect it. He looked back up at Kurt.

"It's not that bad, Kurt. Honestly."

"Really Blaine? It's nice of you to try and placate me but this is ridiculous."

"Kurt, think about it—"

"Think about what? I drooled on you Blaine!"

Kurt is at once angry at himself that he even allowed himself to speak the work aloud to Blaine let alone in such a harsh voice.

And all at once, Kurt isn't angry at himself anymore because he's far too preoccupied with Blaine kissing him. Blaine has closed the distance that Kurt put between them and is leaning Kurt into the back of the couch and kissing him intensely. Even though it's not even been three weeks, they've spent a lot of time kissing like this, almost as if to make up lost time for the months previous that both of them, admittedly or not, thought about this. Close together, hands on faces and waists, tongues pushing into each other's mouths in a way that Kurt could never understand the draw of until he actually partook in the act.

Kurt was left a little woozy and unstable from the kiss and the remnants of his sleep when Blaine pulled away as suddenly as he came.

"Just stay quiet please and let me explain?" Blaine requested as he released Kurt's face from the warm grasp of his hands. Kurt nodded.

"You know that I care about you, I have for a long time. You were very tired and needed to catch up on your sleep so I let you. I liked having you sleep on my shoulder. It felt nice, something we hadn't done yet in this new version of our relationship. And as for the drool, that was the point of the kiss."

Kurt raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Really Kurt? We just spent three minutes with our tongues in each other's mouths. At this moment, I probably have as much of your saliva in my mouth as I have of my own. And I'm okay with that. I love your saliva because I lo—" Blaine swallows hard. "Because I care about you. Also, I'm human too Kurt. I know how gross we are. "

Kurt can't hold in his laughter. It all feels so ridiculous.

"I'm sorry," Kurt manages to spit out. "I just feel so embarrassed"

Blaine laughed and pulled Kurt against him as he leaned back onto the couch. "Well get over it. I have two hours until curfew and I want my turn to sleep against _my _boyfriend's strong shoulder. And prepare yourself because I drool sometimes too."


	2. Pee

**A/N: Yeah, this idea is what made me fill this prompt. I had this image of Kurt trying to pee in the woods at night and failing at it. I just found the idea hilarious and I loved writing it. Also, this is based upon a true story. Yep. Had to pee once in the middle of the night in a bathroom exactly as described complete with the spider. And I think Kurt has it easier since he's a boy. Haha. Hope you enjoy! Also, all of the lovely story alerts that rolled in tonight convinced me to post this part tonight. Thanks for reading!**

Kurt was cold, uncomfortable, and irritated. He was lying on his back, wearing sweatpants (sweatpants!), on the ground, with only a few blankets and the bottom of a tent separating him from the cold Ohio dirt, and could smell the lovely aroma of straight teenage boy all around him. Just over two weeks ago, he had been in New York City with an extravagant hotel bed underneath him and the aroma of freshly pressed linens and he knew which one he preferred.

It all started right after New Directions' return from New York. Kurt had caught wind from Finn that Rachel's dads had managed to get four prime seats for the tour of Next to Normal that was stopping in Columbus. Now that Finn and Rachel were back together, Rachel expected Finn to accompany her, and instead of having her fathers' tag along, Rachel convinced them to let Finn and Rachel double date with another couple. Finn had been bothering Kurt for months about this damn camping trip that the glee club boys were cooking up and made Kurt agree to RSVP with a confirmation in order to commander the two extra tickets for Blaine and himself.

Kurt's day during the dreaded camping trip had been, admittedly, enjoyable due to many things. First, the boys fished while Kurt enjoyed the shade underneath a large tree and Kurt managed to cook the catfish they caught (after making Sam clean them). After dinner, the group spent a few hours playing Frisbee golf on the course next to the camp grounds. And Kurt really enjoyed feeling like one of the guys, part of the group, as they sat around the camp fire while the boys gorged themselves on s'mores. The cherry on top on Kurt's day was Blaine though, watching him fit in with the other boys, watching the glances thrown in Kurt's directions, watching the proof of his affection in the form of taking breaks from the activities to visit with Kurt.

But right now, Kurt was miserable.

Not only was he dealing with the aforementioned issues accompanying sleeping on the ground, but he also had to pee. Like _really_ had to pee. He blamed it all on the diet coke he had drank earlier around the campfire. His cell phone had read 2:47 when his bladder originally woke him up. It was now 3:12 and he really didn't know what he was going to do. The only restroom anywhere near the campground was _ages _away and there was zero chance of Kurt walking there by himself in the middle of an Ohio forest in the dark with bugs and wild animals lurking about.

Finally admitting defeat, Kurt rolled over towards Blaine and curled up to his back.

"Blaine. Wake up," Kurt whispers into his ear.

"Mmm-hmmm. That's nice." Kurt didn't have time for this.

"Blaine!" Kurt speaks sternly. Blaine shoots up, knocking his head against Kurt's chin.

"Ahh! Kurt? What's wrong?" Kurt worries his lip, not wanting to have to say it.

"I have to pee."

"What? Why are you waking me up?"

"Blaine, I don't wanna go by myself in the dark. Please come with me." Blaine sighs , leans up, and attempts to give what Kurt assumes is meant to be a quick peck on the lips but actually lands to the side of Kurt's nose.

The next few minutes are filled with hushed whispers, scrambling for shoes and Blaine's glasses and a flashlight, and stifled giggles when Mike lets out one the loudest snorting snores that either of them have ever heard.

As Kurt and Blaine head towards the bathroom that is little more than a permanent porta potty—a toilet shaped hole that drops into the ground—Kurt realizes just how dark it is and is glad to have Blaine and the flashlight.

Kurt can feel the sense of relief start to wash over him once the restroom is in sight of the flashlight's beam. Kurt opens the door to the restroom and steps inside. Busy anticipating the retched stench he remembered from early, Kurt misses the big issue until the door is actually closed. There is no light in this bathroom. Kurt is alone in a camp ground porta potty bathroom with no light.

He flings the door open and nearly hits Blaine who is leaning against the structure looking close to being asleep again. His eyes snap open.

"What's wrong? You can't have went already."

"There's no light in there!"

"Oh," Blaine hands over the flashlight. "Here."

Armed with the gift of light, Kurt heads back in to relieve himself. Kurt tries to lower his pants with one hand but fails. Holding the flashlight between his knees, Kurt goes to try again. In the light of the beam falling on the floor, Kurt sees a giant spider. The flashlight falls from his knee's grasp , Kurt lets out an undignified yelp, and he sprints out the door.

"What's wrong?"

Kurt places his hand over his chest to slow his frantic heartbeat. "There was a giant bug. Oh god Blaine. I don't think I can do this."

"Okay Kurt. I think that if you could've held it, you would not have woken me up in the middle of the night. Just get it over with."

"I can't see where anything is. I don't know what's around me and I can't hold the flashlight and…you know. Go. At the same time."

Blaine groans and covers his face with his hands. If there's one thing that Kurt knows about Blaine, it's that he doesn't fare well being woken up. Blaine stalks off into the restroom and returns carrying the dropped flashlight.

"Come on Kurt."

Kurt stands where he is.

"…What?"

Blaine grabs his hand, drags him into the restroom, and deposits him in front of the toilet.

Kurt is gaping at him, mouth open, but Blaine just gestures towards the toilet with the flashlight.

"Come on. Go. I'll hold the light. You're gonna have to go somehow."

"What? With you in here?"

"Kuuuurt! I'm right here. You'll be fine. I'm getting chilly and I want to go back to sleep."

"I can't go with you in here!"

"Come on Kurt. It's just me."

"Exactly," Kurt sputters out.

"Everyone pees Kurt. I promise. "

"But I don't want you to see me."

"I respect you more than that. I'm not gonna look."

"But you're going to be able to hear me!"

"Okay Kurt, that's unavoidable. Please pee. I'm tired."

Blaine's puppy dog eyes are what makes him fold. Kurt can't stand to see Blaine upset and Kurt knows that making Blaine be awake is torture on his weak, 8-hours-of-sleep-needing body.

"Fine," Kurt relents. "Back up and hold the light so I can see the toilet and my feet so I know if anything creepy and crawly is about the climb up my pant leg." Blaine backs up. It makes Kurt feel better that he can't see Blaine very well due to where he's shining the light. Kurt can almost feel like no one is watching him.

Kurt starts to reach for his waistband and stops. He checks the floor and the toilet for anything unfriendly and looks towards Blaine.

"Close your eyes and don't move the flashlight," Kurt commands.

"They are and I won't," Blaine murmurs reassuringly.

Kurt lowers his waistband and aims towards the toilet.

And waits.

Nothing happens. He concentrates harder. It finally happens. The relief is almost instantaneous. But all Kurt can hear is the sloshing noise of his urine hitting the bottom of the bottomless toilet.

"Oh my gosh! This is so embarrassing!"

"What? What's wr—"

"Keep your eyes closed!" Kurt interjects.

"I _am_. What's wrong?"

"It's just so loud and embarrassing!"

"No it's not Kurt. I swear I am going to come over there and pee with you to calm your mind if you don't finish right now!"

"Argh! Fine!"

Kurt concentrates again and manages to continue. The noise is horrendous and it makes him cringe. But when he finally finishes, he feels sooo much better. He rearranges his bottoms, gives himself a once over and heads over to Blaine.

"You can open your eyes now. I'm sorry you had to do this."

"Kurt, it's fine. There's nothing embarrassing about it."

"Whatever you say. You seem to have a very different threshold of embarrassment when it comes to bodily functions."

Kurt and Blaine walk out of the restroom as Blaine begins to grab Kurt's hand. Kurt jerks away.

"Blaine! I haven't washed my hands!"

Blaine stops and stares. And doubles over with laughter. When he catches a breath, he responds.

"Really Kurt? There's nowhere to wash your hands. And besides, I've _touched_ your penis before!"

Kurt's hands go to his hips in natural disagreement mode. "Tsk! Ok, you've touched my penis a total of two times in a span of the last two weeks, not nearly enough to be as casual as to announce it to the Ohio woodlands. "

At the end of the beginning of what Kurt had planned to be a long-winded spiel, Kurt is surprised to find that he is laughing too. Kurt is in love with this boy and they touch each other's bodies where no one else sees and listen to each other pee and know little things about each other like the fact that Blaine loses every ounce of his gentlemanly demeanor when awoken before completing his eight hours of beauty rest.

Kurt steps forward, puts Blaine's face between his hands, and kisses him. They do eventually manage to make it back to the tent and snuggle up together to regain some of their warmth that was lost to the night and sleep until morning. And Blaine gets his eight hours.


	3. Fart

**A/N: Here's the next installment! Thanks for reading, subscribing, and reviewing! Also, expect two more chapters.**

_We're so good at this. We're so good at this._ That's all Kurt can think at the moment, stuck on repeat. He has no idea how they've went from awkward and slow and stilted to this hot, amazing, sex god of a couple in less than a few months. This is maybe the 20th time that Blaine has given him a blowjob—and Kurt can't even start to believe that he's received enough blow jobs that he can't remember the exact number—but Blaine is so good that it seems like it must be more than that.

The parents are still at work and Finn is still at football practice—Kurt doesn't know what he and Blaine are going to do during the strange break between football and basketball season. Blaine has him pushed down on his bed and is slowly kissing down Kurt's body. Blaine starts at his jaw line, moves back and forth from one side to another, rubs his stubble along Kurt's cheek because he knows that Kurt likes it, because he knows _everything_ that Kurt likes.

He pushes a few quick kisses against Kurt's neck and settles into Kurt's clavicle since that's where Blaine can get the most for his money so to speak. Blaine nips lightly and sucks gently because Blaine also knows exactly what Kurt doesn't want—a hickey.

Blaine leaves his mouth attached and runs his hands up and down Kurt's sides because Blaine knows what he needs, physically and emotionally, to be close to the person that he loves.

Everything is so sweet and beautiful and loving and yet it's still just so _hot_ for lack of a more refined word. They've been practicing everything sexy, Kurt feels like he finally has it down, as if he's finally desirable and physically attractive, and all the other things he never envisioned himself as before Blaine showed him that he could be those things.

Blaine's mouth and hands have wandered a little bit further south and have settled into a new groove. Blaine's tongue is gently probing Kurt's navel while his palms run up and down Kurt's thighs and Kurt can feel Blaine's fingers catching lightly at the coarse hairs on his upper legs and he feels so masculine and beautiful and adored. And also, turned on.

Kurt brings his hands to rest in Blaine's hair and nudges his head away from hipbones and towards somewhere far more interesting. Kurt is momentarily upset when Blaine's head gets father instead of nearer but at a closer inspection, Kurt realizes he's just repositioning himself more comfortably on the bed.

From their previous sexual exploits, Kurt knows that Blaine can get a little frantic in the heat of the moment. If they're coming in from a date for a make out session, Blaine is the one who pins Kurt against the wall three times on their way up the stairs before they make it to the bedroom. If they're trying to disrobe, Blaine is the one who will try to take Kurt's pants off without undoing his belt buckle. It's actually pretty hot, how Blaine wants Kurt so badly that he can't even wait.

Kurt starts to scoot down the bed to close the distance between Blaine and his dick but Blaine doesn't have time for that. Blaine slides his hands under Kurt's hips and pulls Kurt towards him on the bed, in a tried and true impatient-Blaine method. Only this time, it doesn't add to the sexy and debonair mood like usual.

Because this time, Blaine's mouth stops midway through closing the gap between his mouth and Kurt's dick after a short but clear "PFFFT" noise pervades the air.

Kurt Hummel cannot believe that this is his life. He just farted while his boyfriend's head was practically between his legs.

Kurt slides out of Blaine's grasp, slides up to the headboard, and attempts to cover himself with the sheet his boyfriend is currently sprawled out on, as if a thin white sheet could possibly hide his mortification. Kurt puts his face in his hands. For a few moments, there is nothing but silence.

And then a small snorting noise appears in the quiet. Then all that can be heard is laughter, like an eruption. Kurt's head snaps up, ready to fight. His boyfriend is laughing at him while he is naked in bed! But Kurt's rant is stopped when a string of small "TOOT"s can be heard underneath the roar of Blaine's hilarity.

Blaine opens his watery eyes and Kurt's meet his. Another moment of silence. Then howls of laughter.

Kurt is finding every day that having a boyfriend isn't quite what he expected. Yes, he had spent years hoping to find someone in Ohio who would appreciate all the good things about him that the less-than-cultured masses in the Midwest couldn't. Things like his fashion, his hairstyles, and his opinions on what constitutes a vegetable side (nothing starchy, fried, or canned in a watery soup mixture of salt, water, and preservatives) were things that Kurt wanted people to notice about him. What Kurt didn't expect was to find someone who liked things about Kurt that he didn't even like about himself and who noticed things that Kurt didn't want anyone to notice.

Blaine liked Kurt's biting sarcasm and the freckles on his shoulder. Blaine noticed Kurt's fashion and his opinions on current political and socio-economic issues but Blaine also noticed things like the fact that Kurt uses his fashion as something to hide behind and the fact that Kurt will unknowingly (but secretly gladly) eat an entire box of Lucky Charms if someone doesn't take it out of his hands.

And it's just so funny. That life is so strange and that humans do weird things. And that Kurt and his boyfriend just farted in front of each other for the first time at the _same_ time while they were both _naked_.

Kurt reaches down the bed and pulls Blaine up the bed to be next to him but Kurt gets one better. Blaine is suddenly kissing him and all Kurt can think about is how they've never kissed like this before—laughing into each other's mouth, faces red with laughter more than excitement. Blaine breaks away and looks at Kurt with laughter still in his eyes.

"Oh god Kurt. You know what it was, right? We both had tacos at lunch today!"

And just like that, the two are laughing again, both envisioning the greasy, unappetizing tacos served as the only lunch options due to a broken salad bar refrigeration unit.

Kurt leans in to steal more of the new laughing kisses but after a while, Blaine lets out a chuckle that is smoother, flirtier, and sexier than the early guffaws. It turns Kurt's thoughts south and he notice something.

"You're still hard," Kurt whispers.

"Mmm. Well you're still naked."

"You still find me attractive despite my abdominal issues?"

Kurt almost leaves it at that, but it's too good to pass up.

"I don't look like I'm having gas pains?" Kurt finished.

Kurt expected more laughter, but what he got instead was a look so serious that he hadn't seen one like it on Blaine's face since a day in mid-March. Blaine's hand cupped Kurt's cheek in another strange parallel and looks into Kurt's eyes.

"You just look beautiful."


	4. Teeth?

**A/N: I came up with this idea when I originally thought about filling the prompt and I liked it, but for some reason totally wanted Blaine to have this issue. Again, real life kind of supplied this. My mother always hated having me in the bathroom when she was brushing her teeth or being in there while I was brushing mine. She thought toothbrushes and brushing teeth were the grossest things. Also, this is very long and involves lots of things that don't have to do with the whole bodily fluid thing but I wanted to write it and it just kept coming. So sue me. Here you go!**

Intermission: One time Blaine was embarrassed by his bodily functions. Kinda.

The anticipation was killing Kurt. It seemed like 4:30 was never going to get there. Kurt had cleaned every surface of his room and the bathroom and the kitchen at least three times this morning already. He had finally gotten tired of Finn complaining about the lemony smell of the cleaning agents (who doesn't like the smell of lemons?) and had relegated himself to sit in the armchair closest to the front door to listen for the sound of a car engine.

Kurt's boyfriend was coming to spend the night. And not like he had before in August when his parents went to visit Blaine's great aunt in Florida where Blaine brought his bags and camped out on the couch with Burt strategically leaving his and Carole's bedroom door open and setting up a new motion detected air freshened that produced a smell so violent that Carole erupted into sneezes, whether she was awake or not.

This time, Kurt Hummel's boyfriend was coming to stay the night in his bed! Alright, so that had technically happened before once but drunk and dead tired and non-romantically inclined moments didn't count.

Kurt and Blaine had shared Ohio ground in a tent once, which also didn't count due to the other five boys with them in the 8-person tent. They had also snuck naps plenty of times when their satiated bodies couldn't stay alert, but setting an alarm and being worried about being caught took a lot of the enjoyment out of it.

However, around 3 weeks ago, the unexpected, undesired surprise of Burt coming home to them in a rather compressing situation involving no clothes, plenty of personal lubricant, and a very exuberant and vocal Blaine meant that they were no longer worried about being caught; they already had been.

After several long, awkward, and (although Kurt would never admit it out loud) heartwarming talks about healthy sex lives and gay teens staying safe in Ohio and the pros and cons of an open door policy, Kurt had been granted permission not only to close his bedroom door with Blaine if he ever needed or wanted to, but also permission to upgrade Blaine's lodging during his upcoming stay while his parents went on a weeklong second honey moon in Florence.

And while Kurt was understandably excited about sharing a bed with his insanely attractive boyfriend of 11 months, after one of his talks with Burt discussing how intimacy was more than sex, he was more excited for sharing a bed simply with the man he loved.

Kurt leaped from the chair at the sound of the doorbell, having missed the noise either due to his reverie or due to the quiet purr of Blaine's well-to-do car. Opening the front door, Kurt saw his boyfriend standing and smiling, covered in his winter coat and grasping the handle of an expensive piece of luggage that Kurt was already coveting.

Kurt was nervous all of a sudden.

"Hi," Kurt squeaked out.

"Uh, hi." Blaine grinned.

Kurt moved so Blaine could get out of the cold and stood watching Blaine shed his winter wear and hang his layers in the coat closet, something he did nearly every other day, but seemed like so much more to Kurt today.

"Hey Blaine," Carole greeted, coming down the stairs. "I figured Kurt let you in, but I figured I should check. I'm just headed to start dinner. You go get all settled in and make sure you haven't forgotten anything that you'll need. We can always make a Wal-Mart run or a quick trip to your house if needed."

"Thanks Carole," cooed Blaine. "Thanks again for letting me stay in your home. I know it's not really necessary but I didn't really want to be alone for a week and while I think my parent's trust me to feed and water myself for a week, they feel better about it too."

"Well, you're never as grown up as you think you are. We're glad to have you here, even if it is just to combat loneliness." Carole patted Blaine on the arm and retreated to the kitchen, after throwing a knowing smirk towards Kurt. Carole knew how exciting this was to Kurt; she had talked him down last night during a midnight scrubbing of the laundry room.

Kurt glanced back to Blaine and was met with an expression that left Kurt thinking that Blaine was excited too. They leaned in to share a kiss.

When they broke apart, Kurt took a steeling breath and steadied himself.

"I know that we talked about, well, sleeping arrangements, with my dad last weekend but I want you to know that you're still allowed to back out if you want to. If you feel uncomfortable sharing a bed with my family here I totally understand. I mean, not that we're going to _do_ anything—because we're _not—_"

Kurt felt the need to clarify that point one more time, for both of them since they both tended to become carried away easily.

"—but the pull out couch is just as comfortable as it always is. I mean, if you want it." Kurt couldn't help but hear the slight pleading tone in his last statement despite his desire to legitimately give Blaine the option. Blaine was blushing, but he looked amused.

"Kurt, really, I want nothing more than to sleep with you in your bed. I'm, uh, I'm pretty excited about it actually."

"Whew," Kurt exhaled. "Okay. Uh, good. Because I am too. Let's, uh, let's take your bag upstairs."

Despite his previous worries, Kurt managed to survive the evening. Once he had Blaine's presence to calm him, it was really like any other Friday evening that Blaine came over for family dinner. The family and Blaine ate dinner together while Kurt berated Finn for his obscene appetite and Blaine berated Kurt for his bird-like appetite. Kurt and Blaine washed the dishes while Finn put up leftovers and wiped down the table. Then, everyone settled in front of the TV to argue over what program to watch until Carole chose something to the inability to comprise.

In fact, nothing was out of the ordinary until 10:30, when the Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives episode ended. Instead of Blaine untangling himself from Kurt on the love seat to bundle up and head home, he instead turned to Kurt and quietly asked, "Ugh. I'm getting a bit tired. Can I take a shower?"

"Dude," Finn interjected. "I hope you're gonna use the shower while you're here because I've tried to go a week before, and it's just too long."

There was a slight awkward silence and the population in the living room contemplated the bizarre ritual that was Finn's hygiene routine before Carole pitched in.

"Of course, Blaine. This is your house for the week."

Kurt reluctantly separated himself from his boyfriend.

"C'mon," Kurt said, offering his hand. "I'll show you."

"Kurt?" Kurt and Blaine stopped short of the stairs to listen to what Burt had to say.

"I know I gave you permission to sleep in the same room, but that doesn't mean I don't mind you showering together."

Kurt could practically feel the heat radiating from Blaine's blush beside him. And Kurt was sure that he, like Kurt, was currently thinking of the few times that Blaine and Kurt actually had shared the exact same shower that Kurt was about to escort Blaine to.

"Tsk! Dad! I'm just going to show him where the towels are and how to manage the controls! I can't believe that you would think that I would take advantage of this situation and you _know_ I shower in the mornings because of–"

Kurt stopped his rant short when he saw the evil grin on his father's face.

Burt chuckled. "I'm just teasing."

Kurt responded with a classic eye roll but he just couldn't bring himself to do a good job of hiding his smile.

After collecting Blaine's toiletry bag and pajamas from Kurt's room, Kurt escorted Blaine to the upstairs hall bathroom that Finn and Kurt shared and did indeed show Blaine where the towels were and how the knobs worked. After all, Blaine had been fairly distracted the last time he had used this shower and Kurt knew that he, if put in the same situation, would have no recollection of how the shower worked and mostly just memories of how the shower caused water to drip down Blaine's body.

Kurt returned to his bedroom to fluff the pillows once more and change into his pajamas, carefully selected for this first evening. While Blaine was showering, Kurt nipped into Burt and Carole's bathroom to wash his face to get a start on his evening routine. By the time that Kurt had finished up at his vanity, he could no longer hear water running and could see by the crack of light in the hallway that Blaine had opened the bathroom door a bit.

Kurt figured that he'd run into the bathroom, check on Blaine, and brush his teeth while he was at it. Pushing the bathroom door open slightly, Kurt called out. "Blaine?"

Suddenly, all Kurt was aware of was the pain in his elbow where the bathroom door had slammed into it.

"Oh. I'm sorry, were you not decent? I saw the door cracked." Kurt was a bit confused. There weren't many things that Kurt and Blaine hadn't done in front of each other, or at least, things that could be done with a bathroom door cracked.

There was a pause, the sound of water running, some rummaging, and suddenly, Blaine was standing before Kurt again, dressed in lovely flannel pajama pants that seemed to do wonders for his butt and an old t-shirt. He looked flustered.

"Sorry," Blaine panted. He was out of breath? "I, uh, I had the door cracked because the mirror fogged up on me. I was trying to let some of the steam out."

Kurt was still curious. "What were you doing with the door open that I couldn't see?"

Blaine chuckled awkwardly. Kurt couldn't think of the last time he'd seen Blaine awkward, maybe never. Obtuse, sure. Inappropriate, probably. But awkward? Not Blaine. Kurt's eyes narrowed.

"Nothing," he stuttered out. "I'll be done in just a few minutes."

"O-kaaaay."

Blaine moved to close the bathroom door but Kurt wasn't having that. Grabbing Blaine by the waistband, Kurt reeled him in for an embrace.

"You look really good in these pants," Kurt whispered into a sensitive spot on Blaine's neck, all the while slowly walking him backwards into the bathroom.

Blaine was thoroughly distracted. Mission achieved. Kurt surreptitiously looked to his left on the bathroom counter. The only thing not belonging to Finn or Kurt himself on the counter was what looked to be the shirt that Blaine had worn that day. Kurt prided himself on his intelligence; the shirt had to be hiding whatever Blaine had been doing. Turning Blaine to press him against the bathroom counter, Kurt lifted the shirt gently with his right hand.

It was a toothbrush. A hurriedly rinsed toothbrush and its respective tube of toothpaste.

The gig was up. Blaine had noticed Kurt's distraction. Blaine tried to turn his head around.

"Kurt!" Blaine sputtered. What are you doing?" Blaine tore away and went to grab the items from the counter.

"You were embarrassed to be seen brushing your teeth?"

"Ugh! Kurt! Don't laugh. It's gross. I didn't want you to see me like that."

Blaine's pouty face was cute, but Kurt couldn't let this go.

"Wasn't it you who once gave me a lecture on saliva and how it was perfectly natural, especially since we have a relationship where we swap it all the time?" Blaine had started to re-rinse his toothbrush and repack his toiletry bag.

"Brushing your teeth is different. Your toothbrush is covered in all of the germs that you clean out of your mouth and even though you rinse it, it's still gross to think that you cover it in gross stuff every day. I replace my toothbrush every week or I get grossed out. That's why I use cheap ones," Blaine spits out, as if finishing his admission quickly would make it less painful, like ripping off a bandage.

"Plus I feel like the foam from toothpaste makes everyone look like some type of weird rabid animal," Blaine hurriedly added. Blaine's face looked a bit nauseous. It was adorable.

"Oh Blaine," Kurt crooned. "You are so cute. See? You have your own self conscious thing about your body." Kurt hugged him close and rocked a bit, as you would with a pouting child.

"Yeah," Blaine mumbled into Kurt's neck. "One. Much better than all of yours."

Kurt pulls back to kiss Blaine a bit deeper, like he's kind of wanted to since Blaine showed up, like he kind of wants to all the time. Finally separating and turning away, Kurt opens the medicine cabinet. Through the corner of his eye, he can see Blaine looking at him with that look—_the_ look. The one that makes the butterflies in Kurt's stomach reappear even after 11 months. Kurt pulls out his own toothbrush and toothpaste to finish his bedtime ritual.

Blaine seems to only finally notice once the toothbrush makes it into Kurt's mouth. The look is gone immediately and so is Blaine. From the hall, Kurt can hear him.

"Ah! Kurt! That's gross! Not in front of me."

Kurt just laughs around his toothbrush and spits.

"Just go get in bed."

Kurt smiles at himself in the mirror. He expects to sleep well tonight.


End file.
